Compassion Starts With You

 

A Thought Experiment:   Isn't it interesting...how justified we feel in beating ourselves up when we fall short or make a mistake (maybe some of you are beyond this...good on ya' mate).

For the rest of us... (chuckles)...Where is that same "internal committee" to throw the party when we have done a great job or accomplished a milestone in personal growth or professional development? 

Question: Why are we so quick to offer kindness to others and so slow to offer this same gift to ourselves?

I have been reading "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion"  by a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School Dr Kristopher K Germer. Dr Germer lays out in this book the importance of responding compassionately to our own imperfections without judgement and self-blame. He offers other helpful strategies in cultivating self-compassion on the path to our own healing.

As an important first step in doing this, he offers (what I think) is a helpful exercise in beginning to cultivate self-compassion in one's own life. From his website Mindful Self-Compassion he offers several helpful resources including a handout he offers in his workshops entitled "Writing A Compassionate Letter to Myself". 

Some of the important steps in how to write this letter include:

1. Begin by trying to write about an issue you have that tends to make you feel inadequate
2. Try to feel your emotions exactly as they are-no more, no less- then write honestly about them
3. Think about an imaginary friend who is unconditionally loving, accepting, kind and compassionate
4.  Imagine that this friend has the ability to see all your strengths and weaknesses-including the one you have chosen to write about
5. Write the letter from the perspective of what that friend would say to you in kindness
6. Try using questions like these to guide your writing (develop your own if you like):

• What would this friend say about your flaw from the perspective of unlimited compassion?
• How would this person convey compassion in the way that you are choosing to judge yourself?
• How would this person suggest understanding and positive steps towards change if they are needed?

Choose to infuse your letter with acceptance, kindness and care. Try and put it down and come back to it. Be patient and take your time to get in touch with your feelings and developing your internal compass to point away from self-blame to self-acceptance and compassion.

The Takeaway:  To be a peer support specialist is a demanding and taxing career choice. We work in a field of great opportunity and also great change and uncertainty. There will be mistakes and failure made.  They are woven into the fabric of offering support to others.  Before we can offer kindness to others...we must first offer that same kindness to ourselves. 

You cannot give what you do not have. Compassion starts with you.

Be good to yourself and be well.