"Anyone who is working hard on improving their life inspires me. I strive to respect and honor every person I come in contact with, whenever possible, and it makes no difference to me if you are my supervisor, a politician, a keynote speaker or a person experiencing the pangs of crisis who has never heard the word recovery before; I will treat them the same, doing my best to honor them. People quite often tell me that I have inspired them and while I am happy to know this, I am just a person who found a way through the madness and came out the other end better than I went in and therefore, I believe that it is my duty to help others do the same."
1) How do you define success?
This is a tough first question and I like that! My reality is that for me, depending on a multitude of possible factors, how I define success on any given day varies greatly. On some days, getting out of bed and washing my face, is my definition of success. On other days, getting to work on time and being able to help others successfully create the lives they desire, could be how I would define success. On certain days, if I am extremely productive and get a ton of stuff done, then that would be success for me, and on some different days, if I perhaps I have had a triggering experience, then not harming myself, or otherwise causing damage to my life, is defined in my book as success.
Ultimately, I believe that what success is, and what it means to be successful, is something so deeply personal, that I could sit here for hours trying to refine my answer and still not feel that I have done justice in conveying how I define success. Ironically, now that I have given an answer here that I can sit with, I feel that I have succeeded in successfully completing this first question, and yes, I will boldly proclaim it; this is my definition of success!!!!
Please contact me here: [email protected]
Website: WWW.BETTERDAYSRECOVERY.COM
2) What is a typical day and week like for you?
A typical day in my life includes most of the personal responsibilities that most people must attend to; to be fed, clean, rested and prepared for the day. Every day, I spend time with my cat-son Max, a beautiful, sweet and loving, adolescent feline with a trauma history. Max requires a lot of love, attention and patience, and I give it to him to the best of my ability. I also must give him oral medicine daily to manage his skin condition so that he is not in constant suffering. Unfortunately, due to Max’s traumatic past that he had experienced before I adopted him, he cannot tolerate being picked up and he will not allow me to give him his medicine without an intense battle. Yet, even as I am regularly covered in scratches from head to toe, as a result of this process, Max’s skin condition has become more or less under control and he is not suffering as much as he had in the past. Gratefully, Max forgives me within about two minutes and comes over to me and lets me give him a mega-scrubbie, which is something that he loves receiving and I love giving to him.
I also go to work, do my best to help people live happier, healthier and more satisfying lives, spend quality time with my partner-in-recovery and in life, whom I cherish, practice with my hardcore punk band, RAPID CYCLE, for which I am the singer, work on the several projects I have in process at any given moment and try to keep up with correspondence, which is a struggle for me. I work on my managing my recovery 24/7 to varying degrees of success however I have stayed alive and relatively well (except when I am not, which happens from time to time) to this very moment and treat each new day as a brand new opportunity to live a better life.
3) What's your advice for those entering the field?
I don’t think I am qualified or comfortable giving anyone advice about much of anything as I am much more intent on honoring each person’s process, to offer guidance if appropriate and to be supportive of their autonomy and self-direction, in the choices they make, even if that means that things don’t pan out for them at that moment. What I can say is that if you are interested in helping other people, which is a noble and wonderful thing to do, please don’t forget that you and your recovery must be number one.
Taking care of yourself to the best of your ability is crucial, in whatever forms it may take, so that you will be able to be grounded, clear and well, as you go forward and working with and helping others. The one other thought that I will share on this topic, for now, is that I don’t care much about college degrees as credentials, and as a result, the letters that I most love to see after someone’s name are; CPS. People with lived experience are experts on the human condition, and no university can teach you better than the self-expertise in the core that exists within each one of us.
4) What wellness tools do you use in your own life?
Some of the wellness tools that I use in my life include listening to music and singing in RAPID CYCLE along with my good friends/bandmates, playing with Max the Cat, showering, cleaning my apartment, meditation, exercise, good conversation, getting enough sleep, doing reality checks with people I trust, asking those I speak with to support me in helping me limit the conversation when it starts to become clear that my intensity is escalating and not reducing (which is common for me), by empowering these trusted people to ask me if I “would like to talk about anything else”, in which the answer is almost always yes, hugging my loved ones and making recovery plans for any problem and putting those steps in place, which generally results in increased moments of peace for me.
5) What have been your most rewarding experiences?
Some of my most rewarding experiences include the following: Authoring the ‘Better Days – A Mental Health Recovery Workbook’ without having any idea that it would be embraced and praised as much as it has been. Moving in with my partner four months ago after being together for over two years yet having never moved into a one-bedroom sort of situation such as this, and having it be one of the best ongoing experiences of my life. Adopting Max the Cat from the shelter even as they told me that he was very sick and that they knew that I did not “sign up for a sick cat” and bringing him home regardless and after a round of very expensive tests at the veterinarian, finding out that he was not very sick at all (yes his trauma is intense and his skin issues are difficult and we are managing it) and that in fact he is one of the best and most wonderful parts of my life, showering me with endless love and gratitude for giving him what I hope is the best life possible.
Earning a 3.88 graduation GPA when I completed my Associate’s Degree two years ago despite having spent 3 and a half years, as a teenager, living in residentials and group homes and barely having a 9th grade education (I do have that piece of paper that says that they don’t want to pay for me to live in adolescent group homes any longer and yet despite being an official high school diploma, it has no merit). Lastly, today I met a woman at a recovery event who told me that she got to read through a copy of ‘Better Days’ at a support group she attended and that it inspired her to write and publish her own book, which she traded with me for a copy of ‘Better Days’. This is a massive honor for me and I feel wonderful and proud, both of myself and my fellow author-in-recovery.
6) What motivates and inspires you to "keep at it"?
This is a simple answer for me to give as it is tattooed on my left arm. “I will not allow my suffering to be wasted”.
7) What are your recommendations towards professional development?
I suggest reading as much as you can. Question what you are told as most everything is skewed in one way or another. Do the right thing whenever possible, even if there may be consequences for your actions, and do more if you can or need to. Remember that many of those we support have been given the run around for years on end without being offered concrete and effective support and coping skills, with which to better manage whatever their struggles may be. Remember that you could just be another temporary obstacle in that chain of missing-links of that person’s life; or you could break that chain. Without people doing this for me, that is, breaking the chain, I would either be dead, in jail or on the street.
As far as professional development recommendations, this is a tough question. For me, going back to college is a horrifically upsetting and triggering concept, and not something I am interested in pursuing currently or in the foreseeable future. However, as a result of this, I am unable to be hired for many positions that may appeal to me. This is due to my lack of having an officially legitimized and recognized education (street cred does not count though it certainly should). This means that I may struggle in being able to achieve a higher degree of professional development. Even as I may very well be quite competent and effective in a potential new job role, with more responsibility and with ability to bring about change, I may not be considered for the job (or to be interviewed). What I do to counter this is bust my butt, day in day out, to create opportunities for myself. This has been working out well for me and things are starting to happen.
Also, If you can do your best to embrace all people, as having great value as a human and as an individual, who has a lot to offer yet who also struggles like the rest of us, even if you have had an issue with them or if they don’t like you; it is imperative to keep smiling within and to simply keep on moving forward and this is when things may really start to happen for you.
8) What recovery champions most inspire you?
Another great question, thank you for asking it. Today I am inspired by my partner-in-recovery and in life, for her tremendous hard work and effort toward being happy, healthy and well, and for helping me and supporting me in doing the same. Also, I attended a recovery event today and spoke with several individuals who are on or embarking on recovery journeys. One woman with tears in her eyes told me that she is trying very hard to live a life of recovery yet the process is moving forward so slowly that she is in such pain as a result. This woman is a heroine as far as I am concerned.
Anyone who is working hard on improving their life inspires me. I strive to respect and honor every person I come in contact with, whenever possible, and it makes no difference to me if you are my supervisor, a politician, a keynote speaker or a person experiencing the pangs of crisis who has never heard the word recovery before; I will treat them the same, doing my best to honor them. People quite often tell me that I have inspired them and while I am happy to know this, I am just a person who found a way through the madness and came out the other end better than I went in and therefore, I believe that it is my duty to help others do the same.
9) Last comments?
Thank you very much to Bryan Creech and the ‘Stories From the Road’ blog. It has been my incredible honor to be able to support my peers and colleagues in North Carolina and to share with you from my perspective and experience. I know that I am rough around the edges and that not everyone appreciates this about me. I do strive to convey respect, empathy, genuineness and non-possessive love to all with whom I come in contact. I would like to think that generally, if you give me a chance and try to get to know me, that we will likely find common ground between us and be able to celebrate our commonality. I admit that I am extremely busy and often slow to respond to people who contact me however I do always try my best and at some point you will receive a reply from me.
I would like to ask you to please consider checking out my websites to learn more about the books and projects I am involved with. I intend to visit North Carolina in January or February, for a week long speaking/workshop tour as I have made many wonderful friends in your state over the past year and I am aware of the awesome recovery work that is happening there. From what I know, North Carolina has one of the most developed recovery workforces in the United States, and without being glib, I am in awe of what you all have going on.
Therefore, as I travel around the country and beyond, giving workshops and meeting people, North Carolina is at the top of my list of places to visit as soon as possible. If there is anyone who could help me set up daytime workshops at recovery centers, etc, over the course of a week, in 4 or 5 different North Carolina cities, please let me know, and I am confident that I will find a way to make it work. Thank you very much and may you always have better days.
Please contact me here: [email protected]
Website: WWW.BETTERDAYSRECOVERY.COM
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